Yellow Tail Dinner

So, I had Iowagirl and PAgirl over for dinner this past Monday and I must say that it was a most enjoyable and enlightening evening. I made dinner which consisted of an interesting concoction of yours truly's version of "light" fettuccine alfredo, and homemade bruschetta with sliced fresh baguettes from Whole Foods. My "light" alfredo sauce was not at all supposed to be "light" given that I bought half and half instead of the heavy cream that my recipe called for. So in other words, I kind of botched up dinner. And what kills me was that I did not realize I bought the wrong cream until I was pouring it into the pan. Iowagirl and PAgirl apparently both enjoyed the pasta, enough to even take second helpings. I suppose I did something right. PA girl brought dessert of cookie dough ice cream and chocolate chip cookies and so of course we gorged on the sweets after dinner was consumed. Iowagirl brought over this big-ass bottle of Yellow Tail cabernet sauvignon, which accompanied dinner...and dessert...and our after dinner conversation. PAgirl only had one glass, while Iowagirl and I, well...let's just say that our wine glasses continued to runneth over throughout the rest of the evening. Between the two of us, we pretty much polished the entire bottle that night. Don't ask me what I ended up doing over the sink afterwards and don't ask me how I felt the next morning.

Seriously though, I did not plan to fall into this somewhat inebriated state Monday evening. It just happened. Sheesh, on a freakin' Monday night.

I think I've hit an all time low.

Well?

Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?

I Found Her!!!

My newest hairdresser, that is. Today I got one of my best haircuts ever and it was "artfully" done by my friend's niece. BBmom is one of the administrative assistants at my office and she is like a second mother to me out here. Her niece, (we'll call her HairGurl) who works as a hairstylist in this high-end salon in Princeton, also cuts hair out of her home on her off days. Can I just say that she did some magic on my hair earlier this evening? With the long layers and fringe bangs, I have to that I absolutely love my new haircut!!! After the hack job I had done last April at the Aveda Hair Institute in Philly, this one made up for all the tears and hair products used over the last few months. I am one happy girl. And you wanna know what's made me even happier?

The haircut only cost me $20 bucks. "Nuff said.

Aller En Vacances En France

So my dream of travelling to France looks like it might be coming true. I am seriously considering joining CATTSgirl on this trip this coming October. I've been searching for flights out to Paris and the cheapest one I've found so far is about $503 and that's WITH tax already! My senses are aware, I'm feeling giddy, and the excitement and anticipation is starting to build. This trip may seriously turn into reality for me, I just want to shout, scream, yadah, yadah, yadah.

Allons y!!!

Breathe

It has been crazy busy with Anna's visit and this is probably the first time since her arrival last Friday that I've been able to breathe a little bit. Anna's hanging out with AirForceguy tonight and so I have the evening to myself. Nice. The last few days have been filled with much laughter, tears, and stories, that I don't even know where to begin. It's been so refreshing to have this time with Anna and the last few days with her have me wondering why I am living so far away from Vancouver. I think about that for a while, but then I remember my reasons for why I am living out here in the east coast instead of the west coast.

So Friday night AirForceguy picked up Anna up from the Airport and took her to my place. We had dinner at Buca DiBeppo and ended up spending the rest of the evening at Target - my happy place. Who would have thought we could have so much fun shopping at Target on a Friday night? This may sound incredibly loserish (is there such a word?), but we seriously had a great time there. I honestly cannot remember the last time when I laughed so hard and with all the ruckus we were causing in the store, it's nothing short of amazing that the Target people didn't kick us out of there. Some of Airforceguy's co-workers are travelling out to Niger to do their Airforce work (secret mission kinda stuff), and so Airforceguy asked us if we wanted to donate some toys, books, crayons, etc... for his co-workers to bring out to Niger with them. And no, the Airforce guys aren't going to color and play with toys while they're out there. They are going to an area that is quite impoverished and have asked for donations to give to the kids they will come in contact with out there. Hence, our trip to Target. We filled our cart with small toys, crayons, notebooks, matchbox cars, and other knick-nacks. In the end, we closed out Target. Yay us.

Saturday I worked with the teen adoption group I've been facilitating all summer and then met up with Anna and Airforce guy. We walked around Chinatown and perused through the Reading Terminal Market Place, where I got one of the biggest shocks since I moved out here. I ran into an old college friend who I have not seen in almost 7 years. We were really good friends in college and remained in contact for a few years after that, however, after I moved out here she went grad school in Montreal and we somehow lost touch. Turns out, she has been living in Philly for the last two years. And the crazy thing is, she only lives about a 5 minute walk from where I work. I cannot wait to get together with her again and play catch on the last 7 years of our lives. Some may call it a coincidence, but I call it serendipity.

Today was Joy and Anna time. We spent part of the morning hanging out with the 5 and 6 year olds in Irishgirl's summer day camp. They were certifiably adorable! One of the 5 year olds I've known since she was three weeks old, when her mother started attending the teen mom's group I facilitated years ago. I haven't seen this little girl in almost a year and it was amazing to see how much she has grown. After our time at the day camp, we drove out to Princeton and went kayaking on the Delaware Raritan Canal. Although today was a scorcher, it felt relatively cool as we kayaked along the canal. What with the water periodically splashing us as we paddled and the trees shading us, it made it for a refreshingly cool kayaking trip. We kayaked for about two hours and after the first hour, my arms were burning. I know that I am definitely going to feel it tomorrow. But I have to say, the beautiful and peaceful ride was worth it. And of course, what's a kayaking trip without taking pictures, right? Anna, the camera junkie that she is, brought her digital camera for our little excursion and so of course, we went camera happy with all the water creatures we discovered along the canal. The highlight for me was when I discovered a pelican perched on a rotting tree trunk floating down on the water. Yeah, I know, it really doesn't take much to amuse me. Following our kayaking trip, we drove out to Princeton University's campus for some pub food and for Anna to grab more photo opp's of the stately brick buildings at the university. I guess one could say that she was in her element at Princeton. Like me, it really doesn't take much to amuse her either.

So back home we feasted on this great pasta dish that Anna threw together, along with some nice bruschetta, (which yours truly made from scratch), parisian bread and a riesling that I've been saving for such an occasion as this. All of course was shared with Airforceguy, Irishgirl, and PAgirl.

It was good times. Good times.

TGIF

I thought this week would never end. It's been an incredibly slow week and I am thankful it's Friday. This afternoon my cousin, Anna , flies in from Vancouver and so I'm pretty excited about her arrival. Lately I've been craving the familiarity of family, expecially with Anna and her older sister Gail. Seeing that things within my immediate family seem so dysfunctional lately and accepting the reality of their own limitations, my relationship with Anna and Gail has been the only constant and calming force in my life as of late. I hate it that they live so far away.

This weekend and part of next week will be fairly busy and so my presence online may be somewhat scarce. Well, time for me to face the heat and humidity outside. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Thought For The Day

"I don't know whether it is alarming or reassuring that I will never be able to know the sum total of my thoughts."

Another NYC Sunday

Played hooky from church today and hopped on the train up to NYC and hung out with Columbiagirl and Therapyboy for the day. The nice breeze in the city was a great reprieve from the 100 degree heat and humidity the east coast had been suffering through all week. After meeting me in Penn Station, we walked over to Chelsea and had lunch in this cute restaurant, Wai? Cafe. The food was great - fresh, healthy, and most importantly, cheap. Considering NYC's high prices, cheap would be operative word here.

Columbiagirl and Therapyboy have a membership at The New York Botanical Garden and so after lunch we hopped on a train and headed up to the Bronx which is where the garden is located. Getting there was, shall I say, an adventure? Due to various construction taking place on the MTA this weekend, some of the subway stops were closed and so we ended up taking this round-about way up to the Bronx. What should have been a 40 minute train ride to the garden took about us about an hour and half. I won't even go into all the details, but needless to say, it was really frustrating. Stupid MTA construction! Nonetheless upon our arrival at the garden, I was pleasantly surprised and decided that, despite our frustrating train ride, it was absolutely worth it. The New York Botanical Garden is a museum of exquisite gardens and plants on a 250 acre of land in the Bronx. When I walked through the entrance gates, I was immediately wisked off into a different world. It was surreal, knowing that outside the gates of the garden was the hustle and bustle of NYC's Bronx borough. Dale Chihuly's glass sculptures is this summer's exhibit, where he has various installations of his glass sculptures in the Conservatory and other landscapes. As I walked through the exhibit, I was amazed to see how art and nature developed a fascinating dialogue through exotic forms and brilliant colours. It was breathtaking.


The day flew by so quickly and before I knew it, it was time to head back home. Fortunately this time there wasn't the usual last minute mad dash for the train track when we arrived at Penn Station, since I had about half an hour before the train left. Although Columbiagirl and Therapyboy only live an hour and a half away from me, it's always hard saying goodbye. Especially today. Good friends like them are really hard to come by.

My senses are so aware right now, probably due to a long and somewhat emotional day. I hope I don't have trouble sleeping tonight.

French Dream

So here's the deal. An office mate of mine, CATTSgirl, who works in a different department but sits in the cubicle behind me is planning a trip to France in October with her sister and several other friends. CATTSgirl invited me to join them on this trip and in the last few weeks I've been hemming and hawing over my decision. Travelling to France, exploring the city of Paris, roaming around the Louvre and Musee d'Orsay, taking in the Notre Dame and attempting to use my feeble knowledge of the French language with Parisian natives has always been one of my dreams. CATTSgirl and her sister found a house just outside of Paris, owned by a woman who lives in the Chestnut Hill area of Philadelphia. At different times of the year, this woman rents out her house to tourists for a very reasonable price. CATTSgirl and I calculated the cost for the week we would stay and the result was that we would only have to pay approximately $91.00 each for the week. Unbelievable. And the crazy thing is, CATTSgirl's brother-in-law apparently has this business account hook-up where we could probably purchase airline tickets at two for the price of one. Yeah, I'm kind of drooling here. But...

I'm a little uncertain.

Why?

Because CATTSgirl will be the only one I will know who is going on this trip and I am a little wary of what the group dynamics will be like. I've been told that the others who are going are fun, easygoing people - much like myself ;) - but I am still a little anxious about it. Nonetheless, we're talking about PARIS here. And the cost is too good to pass up this opportunity.

So why then am I hesitating?

Do Not Lie To Me

If there is anything that pisses me off big time, it is people who lie. Why can't people just be honest? What do people have to gain by being deceitful and dishonest? Does the term "integrity" not have any kind of value in society these days?

I bring this up because I just recently discovered someone lying to people who are near and dear to my heart. The shame of the matter is, I have lost total respect for this individual.

If you lie to me, then own up to it and ask for forgiveness, I will forgive. However, it will take a very long time for me to trust you again.

Another Rilke III

Song Of The Orphan

I am no one and never will be anyone, for I am far too small to claim to be; not even later. Mothers and Fathers, take pity on me. I fear it will not pay to raise me: I shall fall victim to the mower's scythe. No one can find me useful now: I am too young, and tomorrow will be too late. I only have one dress, worn thin and faded, but it will last an eternity even before God, perhaps. I only have this whispy hair (that always remained the same) yet once was someone's dearest love. Now he has nothing that he loves. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Worlds End

Camping was great but of course it started raining very early Saturday morning and when I woke up, a nice little puddle had formed in our tent. Lovely. For some reason the weather forecast promising us a beautiful weekend did not follow through with it's promise. It rained all morning, off and on, until mid afternoon. Lovely. Nonetheless, we decided not to let the rain get the better of us and went ahead with our plan to hike up the Canyon Vista Trail. Obviously since it rained all morning the trail was incredibly wet and muddy. Some of my hiking mates wore running shoes up the trail, but I, of course packed my sturdy hiking boots. And guess who ended up with dry socks and feet in the end? God bless my hiking boots. But I digress. The hike up was pretty steep in some sections - some parts of the hike made me recall the hike I did all the way up the Grouse Grind in Vancouver (can we say traumatizing?) - however when we arrived up at the top we were rewarded with this:

It was a spectacular view and it made me wonder why I haven't been hiking since last fall. Last September I dragged Irishgirl and PAgirl up the Delaware Gap to do a 5 hour hike on part of the Appalachian trail. On our way down we kind of got lost. Obviously since I'm here writing this post we were able to find our way back down my car. It was kind of a traumatizing experience for us. So at the top of the Canyon Vista Trail we took pictures and made our way down. No we did NOT get lost on the way down.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing by Loyalsock creek, hanging out at the campsite, and eventually concluding they day with a wienie roast. I know what y'all are thinking and y'all better get your minds out of the gutter. :D We were supposed to stay until Sunday afternoon but because of the mini-lakes formed in our tents, we came to the agreement that we really did not want to spend a night in misery in our very wet tents and soaked sleeping bags. Hence, we decided to pack up our vehicles and drive the three hour ride back to Philly that night. Yes we're a bunch of wusses but THIS wuss had an amazing sleep on a DRY bed, with DRY blankets and a DRY pillow on that same night.

Bye Bye

Gone camping this weekend at the Poconos. Looking forward to some hiking, swimming and s'mores. Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Meme....Meme.....Meme!

So I got tagged by the sassy Unacknowledged Genius to do the five things meme thingy and so here goes....

In My Purse
Sony Clie PDA
Cell Phone
Rosebud Strawberry Lipgloss (I NEVER leave home without it!)
Newsweek magazine (yes I am a news junkie)
wallet

In My Refridgerator
Strawberries
Cabot Vermont sharp cheddar cheese (yum!)
3 bottles of Michelob Ultra
Romaine Lettuce
Mushrooms (no, not THOSE kind of mushrooms!)

In My Closet
Tons of shoes (yes, I'm a shoe whore)
Clothes
A big purple tulip fleecy blanket (my cousin Anna likes to call it the "porn blanket" - don't ask)
Purses galore
Weights

In My Car
Sunglasses
Stenopad
Pens
Another Newsweek magazine (yes i am a veritable newsweek whore)
Big bag of clothes to drop off at the Goodwill

Not sure who to tag so go ahead and knock yourselves out and Meme Meme Meme!!!

If These Walls Could Speak...

After five years of inhabiting what I've affectionately dubbed as the "Linden Street Penthouse" (LSP), this past weekend saw the end of an era. LSP (kind of sounds like a drug, doesn't it?) is the detached 3 level rowhome we've lived in since 2001 - Irishgirl, PAgirl, Iowagirl and I - and now we have gone our separate ways. Although we won't be moving too far from each other (Irishgirl and I are moving to the downstairs apartment), this change is somewhat bittersweet. UrbanPromise is what brought this mish-mash of individuals together almost six years ago and now "life" as we know it is allowing us to move forward with our lives.

Yesterday Iowagirl and I spent the morning cleaning LSP and as I walked around the empty rooms, I could almost hear the echoes of each of our voices in every room, simultaneously envisioning all the different memories we made over these last five years. As I encircled the now bare and stark room which used to be my bedroom, an overwhelming rush of emotions hit me, down to the core of my very being.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of one very late night when Irishgirl and I made up ridiculous lyrics to old Sunday School songs and laughing hysterically over idiotic actions made up along the way.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of dumb highschoolish conversations of "Who Would You Rather Kiss?"

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of celebrating friendship every Valentine's day over wine and cheese, strawberries and chocolate.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of a somewhat inebriated Joy climbing out of the third floor window so she could lay atop the roof to find a glimpse of stars in the midst of city lights.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Irishgirl's self-appointment of caretaker whenever Joy becomes somewhat inebriated.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Iowagirl's continual attempts to "cop a feel" at yours truly's various body parts.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Joy's continual attempts to "cop a feel" back at Iowagirl. (It's a roomate thing)

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of a time when Larissa spent the night and during a late night conversation, yours truly managed to convince her that a girl could lose her virginity by using a tampon.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of the morning after IvyLeagueBoy and I broke up and Iowagirl sitting on my rocking chair, consoling me as I wept in my bed. She just sat and listened. Didn't try to solve the situation or give me pat answers. She just listened.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of the many confrontations and butting of heads between Irishgirl and Joy.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of the many laughter shared between Irishgirl and Joy.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of PAgirl's gentle spirit, always caring, always supportive.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Irishgirl and Joy's late night prayers for each other and for the unknown future.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Iowagirl, PAgirl and Joy nursing a pitt bull back to health.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of Irishgirl and Joy downloading Barry White's Greatest Hits, while doing the sitting-head-bop on our kitchen table.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of the four of us cramming into Iowagirl's room, on her bed, every Wednesday night to watch Lost.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of boyfriends coming and going.

If these walls could speak...
it would talk of friends and family coming and going.

If these walls could speak...
it would speak of four women, whom five years ago, saw each other as strangers but are now inextricably intertwined and regard each other as family.

Sorry

I know, I know. I told y'all that I would post pictures and stories from my trip up to Niagara falls with my pal Larissa. The thing is, I'm still waiting for her to email me the pictures. I ran into her at Target the other day and she told me that she's waiting for her sister to send pictures that she could forward to me. With all that to say, you, my ever so faithful will need with wait with great anticipation. So stay tuned......

Back

So I just got back from Niagara Falls a few hours ago and I am absolutley spent. I'd love to share the highlights of this trip but it will have to wait. I've been up since 5:30 AM, my brain feels like mush and my thoughts are barely coherent. Since I moved into a new place, I won't have access to the internet until this Friday, when the cable guy will hook my place up with the necessities, ie. cable, internet & phone. I'm at Starbucks right now and only have about 15 minutes left. Yes, my idiot self paid the 6 bucks for the hour. But I was desperate! I needed to email some reports to my supervisor this afternoon.

Anyways, I have some real doozies to share from this road trip and so stay tuned. If y'all are good, I may even post some pictures. Larissa, hint...hint...you've got my email address :P

Time

It has been an incredibly full week, hence the silence in this blog. Work has pretty much consumed my life this week and I really don't see it ending for the next two weeks. With everything else that's going on, I've literally had to push myself this week with work stuff. And it's been painful. Really.

Anyways, I'll be gone all weekend and won't be back until Monday afternoon. Taking a road trip up to Niagara-on-the-Lake again, but this time with my friend Larissa. "Oh Canada, my home and native land," here I come. Unfortunately, because of all the reports that need to be completed before the end of next week, I am forced to bring my laptop on this trip in order to get some work done. While Larissa is off attending her cousin's wedding tomorrow, I will be cooped up in her great aunt and uncle's place, working on reports and family profiles. Oh. Joy. Maybe I can find a Chapters or Starbucks to work from. Anything to make it less painful. The bright side is, tomorrow is Canada Day and I will, for the first time in 6 years, be able to celebrate Canada Day with other fellow Canadians tomorrow evening. Yay me. The other bright side is that we'll be visiting Toronto sometime this weekend. I've never been to Toronto. I told Larissa that I've always wanted to take the elevator up the CN Tower and moon all of Toronto from the top. Her response?

"You're so dumb, Joy." (Typical Larissa response)

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Me Day

Today is my day.
And because it is my day, I'm playing hooky from work today.
I'm going to celebrate me!

I've been spending my quiet times the last few mornings meditating on Psalm 73 and this morning, this particular passage has especially spoken to my heart:

"Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart,
He is mine forever." - Psalm 73:25, 26

The City 2004

It was her first time back in the city since it happened. Had four months passed already? Going under the guise of meetings with NYU and Fordham admission deans, she hopped on the train located two blocks from her house for the two hour ride up to the city.

She could do this, she was brave.

Standing amid the plethora of bodies, she became lost in the hustle and bustle of Penn Station. It was that moment when the images started to conjure up, of memories of a not so distant past. She saw him standing by that post near the Krispy Kreme, arms wide open with that smile he had just for her. She ran towards him, ready to be enfolded in his arms. What she discovered instead was her arms around the post.

She could do this, she was brave.

Walking along 34th St., she hopped on the subway taking the R train down to 8th Street. Climbing up the steps from the subway, she knew that she would be walking by their little cafe. Her justification was that it was the only route that would take her to NYU. She came upon it way too soon and glancing in the front window she saw their little table in the corner. There he was in his brown, tweed coat, smiling, beckoning. Slowly opening the door of the cafe, his image immediately vanishes.

She could do this, she was brave.

She had a few hours before her next appointment at Fordham and so she took the 6 train to visit her safe place - The Met. There were no memories attached to this place and with relief she stepped inside the museum where she immersed herself in works of art by Botticelli, Rembrandt, Renoir, and Gaugin. She sensed him in the Arms and Armour court, peering at her through one of the glass encasements. She shook off the feeling.

She could do this, she was brave.

Since it was a beautiful day she decided walk through Central Park to get to the west side. After all, she still had an hour and a half left before the meeting at Fordham. She was immediately flooded with memories the minute she stepped foot into the park. Walking through their favorite place, Bethesda Terrace, she stopped and sat on the edge of the fountain, gazing at the Bethesda Angel in all her splendor, who witnessed all their stolen kisses under the fountain.

She could do this, she was brave.

The meeting at Fordham deemed successful, helping in her decision to move to New York. Feeling satisfied she walked up Amsterdam Avenue when the realization hit her that he was only a few subway stops away. She could call and say hi, maybe get together at that little cafe near Columbia. She wanted him to see the transformation she had gone through in the last few months, dreaming that he would beg her to take him back. Flipping open her cell phone, she realized that she had erased all of his numbers.

She could do this, she was brave.

Back at Penn Station, she climbed back onto the train for an uneventful ride home. Thoughts swirling through her head of images of the city, conjuring up recollections of conversations, sweet words whispered, and Times Square kisses. But then, she became inundated with memories of destructive behaviors, the pain, and the tears. Back home, in the silence of her bedroom, she crumpled onto the hardwood floor and wept.

She couldn't do it. She wasn't brave.

Wish

Little boy with no worries on your back.
Pulling wagons, climbing trees,
Scraping knees and building forts,
Make a wish and blow the dandelion.

Enter into a phase of confusion
Altering voices, changing growing.
Suspended amid boy and man.
Make a wish and blow the dandelion.

Breaking free from watchful eyes,
Testing the waters, one foot in,
Then full immersion to freedom.
Make a wish and blow the dandelion.

One grown man with the world on your back.
Determined but now sadly defeated.
Broken hearted, cynical, and jaded.
No more wishes, the dandelions have died.

W&G

A few weeks ago, Irishgirl bought season four of Will & Grace.
So ask me what I've been doing the last two evenings.
With all that's been going on lately, I've needed alot of good laughs.
That's a good thing, right?
I've whored myself to the likes of Will & Grace.
Should I be feeling dirty or something?

Blue

Tuesday blues.....I really don't like this feeling at all. *sigh*

Dad, Pops, Daddy, Father

A few months ago I wrote a post about my dad, sharing a conversation that I had with him and giving somewhat of a description of the type of man he is. Another father's day celebration and I find myself yet again living thousands of miles away from dad. This is starting to get old. I could, A) move back to Vancouver; or B) fly out to Vancouver every father's day. The former isn't really up for discussion at this time, however the latter is a possiblity for future father's days.

"Sleep my darling baby, mommy's not too far away,

Sleep my darling baby, daddy's is here to stay....."

One of the lullaby's I can remember dad singing to me as a child - comforting, serene, giving me that sense of security. I knew I was loved.

When I was about 6 or 7 years old, mom explained to me that dad was adopted and that my paternal grandparents weren't his "real" parents. This new piece of information from my dad's past was so devastating that I started to cry insisting that we call dad at work that minute so I would know that he was alright. The concept of adoption was completely foreign to me and at the time, I felt so sick to my stomach that dad may have been abandoned or even unloved. I am often amazed by my sensitivity at such a young age towards the circumstances from which dad came from and grew up in. Now, ask me what I do for a living. No surprise there. ;)

Dad displayed a strong work ethic at work and at home. He expected the same from my brother and I, while we were in school, and at the present time, in the work place. He never swayed and was always consistent.

From the time I can remember, after dad arrived home from work he would, on a daily basis, head straight to the kitchen where mom was cooking dinner and greet her with a kiss on the cheek, put his arms around her, giving me this mischevious wink, stating that he loves "my mommy". Mom of course would feign annoyance, nudge him away, telling him to go wash up. Such a simple gesture that dad displayed, but one that will be imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life. I'm sure that dad isn't the most perfect husband, but he sure does love my mom and makes sure that she knows she is loved.

"Joy, I cannot believe that you're sixteen and l'm teaching you how to drive. You're growing up too fast....." This said while stopped at a stop light on the corner of 148th St. and 96th Ave., sitting in a big, cherry red, four door Volvo, with a big sign on the rear window that said, "STUDENT DRIVER". I think it was one of those moments where dad came to this realization that I wasn't a kid anymore, but this soon-to-be adult who has started to do adult things...like learning how to drive. I'm surprised that I didn't give him a heart attack during those initial days of teaching me how to drive. In fact, I don't even remember him stressing out or yelling at me for making a stupid driving mistake once. Only by the grace of God.

Around my junior year of college I was in a fairly serious dating relationship with this guy. One afternoon, as dad and I were driving along King George Highway, out of the blue, dad made this statement which nearly knocked me out of my seat. "So you know, I really like N. In fact, I really wouldn't mind it at all if you guys got married." My reaction? What the hell??? First of all, this coming from a man who was adamant about his daughter finishing her college education before she could even think about living her "life". And second of all, "What the hell???"

When I lived in South Dakota, I flew home for Christmas with a surpise gift for my parents. She was a beautiful yellow Labrador Retriever named Dakota. Dad fell in love with her. And of course, she was his baby. Two years ago, Dakota became quite ill and dad had to make the difficult decision to put her down. It was probably one of dad's most traumatizing experiences. He was right there, next to Dakota when the vet put our family dog down. Dad cried like a baby. After that experience, dad shared that he doesn't think he'll ever get another dog. Losing Dakota was too painful. I really do hope that he decides to get another dog one of these days.

About two months ago I had a discussion with dad about applying for this particular visa which would allow for immigrant status here in the USA, thus allowing me to stay out here on a more permanent basis. His response when I asked him what I should do? "What's your heart telling you?" He knows what my heart is telling me and I know that this knowledge is also a difficult one for him. I think there are times when he still sees me as a little girl, wanting to keep me closer to home where he can protect me.

My dad isn't perfect and of course there are many things about him that frustrate me. But the thing is, inspite of the frustration and misunderstandings, I still love him and feel secure in his love for me. And the wonderful thing is, we have no qualms in verbally stating "I love you's" to each other.

I stated this before and I'll state it again, I love my dad, and hope that one day I will meet and eventually marry someone who comes even close to having the godly character, integrity, and strength that my father has.

SHEESH

Why are men so clueless??? Seriously. Is there some way to fully understand the workings of the male species' inner mind? I mean, they all can't be THAT dumb!

SHE-frickin-ESH!

Oh Happy Weekend

My cousin, shall we call her "Cousin Shi Shi"? is in town from LA. Actually she flew into NYC yesterday and will be Greyhounding it down here to Camden/Philly either this evening or tomorrow morning. We shall have the usual cousin bonding time this weekend. She wants to satiate her voyeuristic tendencies and drive out to Lancaster to ogle the Amish. Maybe check out Intercourse, Blue Ball, or Paradise. (I kid you not people, these are actual places.) I'm only humoring this silly notion of hers because I want to check out the outlet shops and gear up on some summer togs. Banana Republic here I come!

ColumbiaGirl and TherapyBoy are also in town from NYC attending a friend's 30th birthday party and so I'll get the chance to hang out with them sometime this weekend. Yippppeee!!!

It's a beautiful Saturday out here in the east coast - the warm sun is out, with a slight breeze. Oh happy day!

Have a wonderful weekend y'all!

Another Rilke.....

Lately I've become quite the Rainer Maria Rilke junkie. Probably due to the fact that I am currently reading, actually more like slowly savouring, his very slender book, "Letters To A Young Poet". One of Spin_Doc1's posts, titled The Dream, brought to mind this particular quote:

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to
love the questions themselves. Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it,
living along some distant day into the answer." --Rainer Maria Rilke

There is so much truth in this particular quote penned by Rilke. Over the last few years I've had to face some painful, unanswered questions, which brought me towards a downward spiral into the depths of darkness, and almost to the point of nothingness. However, as time went by and as the healing process began, I learned to live, to just be, and to embrace these unanswered questions. And the most provocative thing was, I did eventually discover some of the answers to my questions. Not all of the answers, but some. Just like Rilke said I would.

The Chase

An old friend of mine, CaliSurferDude, was always one of those guys I'd run to whenever I needed advice from a male's perspective. He dated one of my closest friends out here for a long time until they broke up last year. CSD always showed his protective streak when I embarked into a new relatonship or was thinking of exploring things with a potential boy. When things didn't work out, CSD was always there with his sage advice and listening ear. One of the things that he always stressed was how guys thrive on the chase and the challenge of pursuing a woman. But I wonder, do they enjoy it when they catch you, as much as when they are pursuing you? Or does the relationship fizzle after the initial excitement? Does it always have to be some game? I have been pursued, but no one's really bothered to stick around. I must be relationship retarded or something.

Such a shame.

Query

Why is it that you hurt the people that you love the most?

And why is it that you are hurt by the people who are supposed to love you the most?

I spent most of this evening bawling my eyes out and I seriously feel like I'm drowning.

I'm a fatalistic mood right now. Don't ask.

Chi-girl and Co.

An old friend who hails from Chicago is in town and a group us met up with her at Don Pablo's this evening for dinner. We'll call my friend Chi-girl. Anyways, Chi-girl and I go way back as summer interns at UrbanPromise, where our friendship began and grew over the years. We can go for months, 1 or even 2 years without any type of contact, but when we get together, we just pick up where we left off. That's what I love about the uniqueness of our friendship. My two roommates, Irishgirl and Iowagirl, along with our other friend, Larissa, all have a connection with Chi-girl, resulting from their intern work at UrbaPromise. However, what makes our connection to Chi-girl so unique is the fact that we met and bonded with Chi-girl at different times during our stint with UrbanPromise. And then, for some reason, Divine Intervention had it so that all of our worlds somehow collided together. Tonight was one of those nights where we all went back into time, bringing up forgotten memories of a time when life seemed so carefree, less jaded, and where optimism overrode today's cynicism. We chatted incessantly, we savored our food, and we drank our margaritas. But most importantly, we laughed.

UrbanPromise, the tie that bound us together.

Proposal

So I got my very first marriage proposal, albeit in quite the unconventional way. In one of my previous posts, Road Trip and Back, it was revealed that I am not an American citizen (GASP!), but am a proud citizen of Canada. (For those of you who don't know where Canada is, it's that huge expanse of land which lies north of the USA). Anyways, Bougie Black Boy apparently discovered this new found fact about me and ever so graciously presented me with his proposal; although it was done quite differently from what I would have imagined a propsal to be. (More on that later.) Marrying Bougie would mean living in NYC (one of my favorite cities) with a bona-fide Green card, to a widely acclaimed best-selling author, country bumpkin turned urban dweller. Plus, I get to bear his "love child." Bonus! (And btw Bougie, I think we'd make beautiful babies.) :D

Not bad. Not bad at all.

What do you ALL think? Should I accept? Or should I graciously turn him down? ;)

Sunday Poetry

Love Song -
Rainer Maria Rilke

How can I keep my soul in me,
so that it doesn't touch your soul?
How can I raise it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

Road Trip and Back

So I'm back. And yes I was able to renew my work visa. Yaaaaay! It was almost too easy because the border officer dude did not give me a hard time at all and the process took only about 10 minutes. I'm thankful. And yes, the Americans will have to put up with me for another year.

I love road trips and this one, although short, was one of my favorite ones. My friend, we'll call her E-gurl, I discovered, is a great road tripper pal. The drive up to Niagara Falls held a myriad of interesting conversations, most of which centered around Reformed Theology. Over the last few years, I've been grappling with the 5 points of Calvinism. My good friend Jonny, is a self-proclaimed Calvinist with whom I've had many spirited "discussions" about this particular doctrine. Coming from an Arminian background - I grew up in a Baptist church - I've never really challenged the doctrine that I grew up with, until I started going to a Presbyterian church and becoming friends with people like Jonny and E-gurl, who are quite strong in their beliefs around the 5 points of Calvinism. They are both able to articulate the 5 points so well and back it up with scripture that it is making me start to believe in this particular doctrine. I need to do some more reading and studying of scripture on this. Who knows, I may turn out into a Calvinist yet!

We stayed at this quaint bed and breakfast in Niagara-On-the-Lake where the proprietors are nothing short of amazing. It was my second time staying at this place and it was of course even better than the last time. The owners remembered me from the time before - it was like visiting a dear old aunt and uncle. And the breakfast? Scrumptious.

Monday evening we ended up hanging out around the walk by the falls. It was a nice, warm, breezy evening with sprays of cool droplets coming from Niagara falls. I've been to the falls a few times and it never ceases to amaze me - I can see God's handiwork in this wonder. We truly have an amazing and creative God! I didn't think that we would spend as much time on the walk way than we did. There was this band, Renegade, giving a free concert by the falls and playing some cover tunes. Most of these cover tunes swept us back to junior high and high school days where Bon Jovi and Journey classics had us itching to do some head banging. :D People watching along the walk was also a huge hit of the evening. It was good times.

One of the fun things about road trips are the spontaneous, unplanned, by the seat of our pants, type of sightseeing. Niagara-On-The-Lake is wine country and I'd have to say that this was probably the highlight of our little road trip. We had no plans to visit any wineries, but the different vineyards we drove by kept calling out to us, slowly drawing us in. So we did a little wine tasting here and there, visiting about four different wineries. Most of the wineries charged a small fee for wine tasting but somehow, E-gurl and I were never charged. It's funny what a little flirtation could do. E-gurl bought 7 bottles of wine, while I bought four -a Muscat, a Dry Riesling, a Cabernet Sauvignon, and a Merlot. Yeah, yeah, call me a lush.

On our way back to Philly yesterday, we took a detour through Ithica, NY, taking the scenic route driving by one of the finger lakes, Cayuga Lake. I drove by this area a few years ago and fell in love with the lake and the little college town of Ithica. We made a planned stop at the Moosewood Restaurant, which as been "acclaimed as a driving force in the world of creative vegetarian cooking." The Moosewood Collective has authored a number of great cookbooks, one of which I own and use quite often. I suppose I'm a granola girl at heart, but what's keeping me from being truly granola is my penchant for meat and chicken. I ordered stuffed peppers with a cold cucumber and beet salad - it was wonderfully fresh and filled with so much flavor. Must return.

After our Ithica "pitt-stop", the drive back up to Philly was pretty uneventful. E-gurl did most of the driving while I slept quite a bit. After spending two full days in a town where people were polite and friendly, returning to the city was almost a rude awakening for me. Living here for the last six years, I've become accustomed to the city attitude - rude and uncouth. Right from the moment we entered back into the city, I was subjected to some incredibly primitive and rude behavior, one of which included a racist remark coming from an ignorant white college student who just moved down the street from me. I won't even bother wasting my time writing about what happened with this little peon, but I will say this: I've been living on this very TIGHT-KNIT block for the last five and half years, where people seriously watch out for each other, and if this boy had any functioning brain cells, (which he obviously doesn't), then he better not be making enemies in this neighborhood.

Joy, welcome back to the city.

It's that time of year again.....

...where I have to drive up to the border in order to renew my Trade NAFTA (TN) working visa. Tomorrow morning, I'm driving up to Niagara Falls with a good friend from church, in order to go through this stress-inducing process that I go through every single year. The TN visa is part of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), which allows Canadians to work in the US, under the condition this person has a job offer from a company and as long as their college degree meets the criteria of the job. A good friend of mine, Larissa, just went through this process a few weeks ago and it went fairly smoothly for her. I am praying that I get the same officer who issued her the same visa at the Rainbow Bridge border in Niagara.

I am not ready, if ever, to move back to Vancouver yet. Earlier this evening, I had a long phone conversation with BFF. She is of the opinion that I will probably never move back to Vancouver. I told her that I am just not ready to move back at this point in my life. I adore the west coast and it will always be "home" for me; however, this coast that I am living in, the east coast, has also become my home - along with the Geographical Orphans who have also become my family.

I don't know what I'll do if I have to move back to Vancouver.

Song of the Week

IowaGirl made me a CD filled with Joshua Radin's music. He's got the coveted "I *heart* him" of this week. (Yeah, call me fickle) I've kind of fallen in love with this particuar song and have been listening to it all week:

The Fear You Won't Fall

Digging a hole
And the walls are caving in,
Behind me,
Airs getting thin,
But I'm trying,
I'm breathing in,
Come find me,

It hasn't felt like this before,
It hasn't felt like home for you,

And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,

I know you're scared,
That I'll soon be over it,
That's part of it all,
Part of the beauty,
Of falling in love with you,
Is the fear that you won't fall,

It hasn't felt like this before,
It hasn't felt like home for you,

And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,

And I hate the phone,
But I wish you'd call,
Thought being alone,
Was better than,
Was better than,

And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,

Can't get my mind off of you,

And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way,
I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could,
Can't get my mind off of you,

And I know it's easy to say,
But it's harder to feel this way

Yay For Blogger Support!!!

For those of you who came to visit my blog earlier today, you saw one post that displayed panic and some devastation (I know, I know....call me the resident drama queen). I accidentally deleted my blog this morning. Upon realization of what I had done, this sick feeling that I cannot even describe settled deep in the pitt of my stomach. In the midst of this madness, I was able to have some semblance of somewhat of a sound mind. (Woah! Alliteration!) I did a search on blogger and discovered Blogger Help which takes you through some steps on retrieving a blog that was accidentally deleted. This other site by O.K., O.K., was also very helpful. Nonetheless, I was able to find an email address for blogger support and sent them a very panicked email this morning explaining to them what happened. This evening I received a response from Blogger Support (yes, a real live individual named Alexander!) who informed me that he was able to restore my blog into my account. Woohoo and Phew!!! God is definitely good.

My insomniac self had only half an hour of sleep last night and so I better hit the sack. Tune in next time for more of JoyIsMe. :) Have a good night y'all!

IOWAGIRL

Driving over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey after work earlier this evening, my cell phone rings. It's my roommate IowaGirl. She was supposed to be at the Philly airport, ready to board her plane that would fly her out to Des Moines, Iowa.

IowaGirl: So, what are you doing right now?

Me: Driving over the Ben Franklin bridge.

IowaGirl: S&%#!!!

Me: What's wrong?

IowaGirl: My flight got cancelled beause of some stupid storm in Chicago. That's where my layover is and apparently there aren't any planes leaving or landing at O'Hare.

Me: Well that's kind of a bitch.

IowaGirl: So, you're not really too busy are ya?

Me: I'll turn around and pick you up.

So at the foot of the Ben Franklin bridge, I turned the car around, crossed the tolls (yep, paid $3.00 to get into Philly - yet again today), and got on the 95 towards Philadlephia International Airport to pick up IowaGirl. Driving down the 95, I had a few thoughts going through my head and this gnawing feeling in the pitt of my stomach. There are days when IowaGirl and I have this weird cosmic telepathic connection and today it seemed to be in full force, because before I even arrived at the airport I knew that I would somehow end up driving her back to the airport tomorrow morning. No, IowaGirl did not inform me that her flight was rescheduled for tomorrow morning. This was soley based on my own assumptions. I arrive at the AmericanAirlines terminal and find IowaGirl dragging her luggage towards my car.

Iowagirl: Thanks, I owe you big time. I guess that means I get to join you guys for happy hour at PJ's after all.

Me: Yup. So, what time's your flight tomorrow morning? (I figured it was better to cut to the chase, rather than beating around the bush, right?)

Iowagirl: *Turns to me with huge grin on her face*

Me: Dammit. I sooooo knew it!!!

Iowagirl: *Laughter ensues* You knew that by picking me up, you would get stuck with the job tomorrow. It was a given.

Me: Girl, you owe me big time.

Iowagirl: Well, my flight leaves at 7:45 AM and so I should be at the airport at around 6:45AM. We could leave the house at around 6:30AM. *Gives me sheepish grin*

Me: *Sighs* I guess I'll just go straight to the office afterwards. It shouldn't be that bad.

Iowagirl: *Has huge cheesy grin pasted on her face*

I am such a sucker. On a positive note, this sucker got dinner paid for by IowaGirl at PJ's tonight.

It wasn't until later on in the evening that it hit me - I have to get up at 5 AM tomorrow in order to get ready for work and drive IowaGirl to the airport.

I really am sucker.

Ticked Off

I am uber-pissed right now.

One of my biggest pet-peeve is when plans are made with a friend and said friend decides to make other plans on that same day and then becoming passive aggressive about it.

If you're going to make plans to do something, then stick to it. Or at least let me know before hand that something came up and that you're A) Going to be late, or B) We could reschedule for another time. It ticks me off to no end when someone says they will do something and then there is no follow through.

Oh, and do you know what makes this whole day even more wonderful? I'm surfin' the crimson wave and the cramps have been unbelievable. I am so hating life right now.

"A"

Brought to you by the letter "A"

Naïve-no-more had this on her blog and assigned me the letter A.

Here's how it works: You take your assigned letter and then write 10 words that start with that letter and explain why they are important to you. Of course, NNM assigned me with a somewhat difficult letter but I am determined to write about 10 important things to me that start with the letter “A”

AUTUMN- One of the seasons that I look forward to, particularly after a long, hot and humid summer out here in the East Coast. I love the crisp, cool air and the rich pallette of reds, oranges, browns, and yellows, emanating from the various trees. Fanciful thoughts of hayrides, bobbing for apples, corn-mazes, candy corn, and Fall festivals come to mind. One of my favorite things to do during this time of the year is walking through Central Park in NYC.

ART - I really should have at least minored in Art History when I was in college. Art is a form of human expression that communicates emotionally and intellectually an individuals' thoughts and feelings concerning themes about self, dreams & visions, issues, or relationships. Creativity is about humanity and as created beings we bear the hallmark of the creative character of God. What an overwhelming, yet awesome thought! Some of my favorite modern art movements are Impressionism, Fauvism, and Abstract Impressionism - Monet, Matisse, Rothko, Renoir, to name a few. Art museums I love to visit? The Met and the Philadelphia Art Museum. I just discovered The Cloisters in Upper Manhattan a few weeks ago. A storehouse full of medival art, architecture, and gardens. I am not too fond of medival art, but I fell in love with the cloister's (gardens), concealed within the confines of this building.

ANNA – My first cousin who is about four years younger than I am and is like a sister to me. Of course, I've known her all my life. Her mom and my mom are sisters, who raised us closely together. Anna wasn't one of those cousins I only saw during holiday get togethers. When we were younger she looked up to me - her cool older cousin. But as she entered into her adolescent years, she started to form her own mind. And what a mind it is! Anna and I share the same twisted sense of humor that only our "cousin-ship" can understand. We've laughed, cried, fought, and made up over the years. While I go home to the west coast to visit my family about twice a year, (Anna also lives about half an hour away from my parents) she flies out here to the east coast to visit me about twice a year as well.

AUNTIE "T" - My mom's youngest sister, more like my older sister. She is Hormone Happy Boy's mom and has always played an important role in my life. Before my aunt got married, she lived with my family and we shared a room together. I remember when I was about 7 years old she got the chicken pox and oddly enough, I never got it from her. I got the chicken pox when I was 10 years old. :D She got married when I was 10 and I was her junior bridesmaid. After the wedding, she moved down to San Diego with her husband and I was absolutely devastated. Interestingly enough, it turned out to my advantage because during my adolescent years, I spent most of my summers in San Diego at my auntie T's place.

ANICETA – My mom’s first name. She was the main focus in my previous post -a tribute to her on Mother's Day. Go ahead and read all about why this woman is so important to me and why I love her so much.

AIR – How can I convey the importance of air? If we didn't have it, we'd all be dead.

APPLE PIE – To be specific, my mom’s freshly baked apple pie. There is definitely nothing like it – the tart flavor of granny smith apples mingled with sweet cinnamon will have you drooling for more after devouring one piece. May I suggest chocolate ice-cream on the side?

“A” – A friend who surprisingly popped into my sphere and has awakened certain feelings and sensations that I thought were dead and stagnant, buried under the mire and sludge which have accumulated. It's making me feel somewhat disconcerted.

ADOPTION SOCIAL WORKER – That’s my job title and as much as I love what I do, it certainly does not wholly define who I am as a person. My dad was adopted, not as an infant, but as an older child and it's interesting that a big part of my job is working with older children, needing to find a permanent home - loving, caring, adoptive parents who will give them a sense of stability and security.

Alright, alright, I was supposed to come up with 10, but like I stated earlier, the letter "A" was a difficult one. At least I got 9 and come to think of it, 9 is almost 10, right? ;) If you want to play, just let me know on the comment section and I will assign you a letter.

MOM

Another Mother's Day where I'm a few thousand miles away from mom and from what I heard today, it appears that mom is pretty sad about it. Talking to my cousin on the phone earlier this afternoon, she mentioned that her mom (my mom's younger sister) called my mom to wish her a happy mother's day. Apparently mom made mention to my aunt how much she misses me. Enter the guilt.

I have my own reasons for living thousands of miles away from my family and the wall to wall of endless relatives. But that's another blog entry for another day.

From the time I was a young girl, people would constantly tell me how much I looked like my mom. I was a miniature version of ALJ (mom's initials). Of course, I never really saw the resemblence. Until I was probably about 10 years old. I remember stumbling upon a black and white photo of my mom when she was about 8 years old and it was like looking into a mirror. We were literally spitting images of each other. Needless to say, I was shocked. I always thought I was my own person. The crazy thing is, not only do mom and I look alike, we're also alot alike. Stubborn, hard-headed and somewhat opinionated, we also both have this ability to make others feel comfortable upon a first meeting. Gregarious and full of warmth, mom's generosity and care for people has always been modeled for me since I was very young.

Mom taught me how to treat people with respect and dignity. In the fourth grade, a time where certain kids were labelled with "the cooties" and thus ostracized by the rest of the class, she admonished me and challenged me to go against the flow of my other classmates.

When I was about 8 years old, I recall asking mom how babies were made. Her response? "Your dad gave me a shot." Being the young and naive 8 year old that I was, the only shot that I knew of at the time was the needle administered on your arm by the doctor and so of course, I took mom's response at face value and did not question her any further. Little did I know.... When I was about 11 years old, my great-aunt, who was visiting us from Seattle, sat me down and gave me "the talk". She even drew diagrams for me. One of the mortifying moments of my pre-pubescent years and I am fairly certain that mom put my great-aunt up to it.

The teen years were fairly turbulent, but that probably isn't anything new. I remember the first time I told my mom to "go to hell". That earned me a nice smack on the face. Somehow, telling her to "got to hell" seemed easier from then on. Probably because my smart-ass self would yell it to mom as I was running down the stairs towards the front door to get away from her.

When I was a junior in college I remember coming home one afternoon completely distraught. The night before, my then boyfriend dumped me. The creep did not even have the class to break up with me in person, instead he hid behind the telephone. When mom came home from work, she found me curled up on the living room couch bawling my eyes out. She didn't say anything at the time. What she did, however, was gather me into her arms, rocked me back and forth, and let me cry.

College graduation arrived too soon and I remember mom's words to me at a celebration dinner they held for me. "You're education is yours and no one can ever take it away from you. I'm so proud of you."

My big move to the East Coast came and my parents drove me, the hour and half, down to Everett, WA, so I could catch the train, which would take me on a three day trek across the country to Philadelphia. Mom and I got into a huge fight on the drive down. I wanted to revert to my adolescent attitude and tell her to "go to hell", but I bit my tongue and held it in. The drive was fairly quiet after we had our fight, but when we arrived at the train station the apologies of course came out. "I'm sorry." "I love you." When I boarded onto the train and took my seat by the window, I could see dad supporting mom in her grief of having to say good-bye. I remember crying for the first three hours of that train ride, the swaying train eventually lulling me to sleep. My move to the East Coast was a defining factor in my relationship with my mom as it brought us closer than before.

Mom was a fifth grade teacher in the Philippines. I taught 11th and 12th grade English Literature for two years in the inner-city.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a pre-adoptive mother that I am currently working with. Somehow I ended up talking about my mom with her, which made me realize what a superwoman my mom is. Mom worked full-time, but she always managed to come home after work and cook a nutritious meal for us - and it wasn't your typical mac and cheese with hot dogs kind of crap. The meal was piping hot and ready to be devoured by the time dad arrived home from work at around 5:30. And I don't know how she did this, but she always manage to have the kitchen sparkling clean after dinner (with our help of course), have her evening bath, and then be in bed between 8:30 - 9:00PM. All the while keeping the house looking absolutely immaculate. Can we say superwoman or what?

I suppose I could go on and on with various anectdotes about my mom. All that to say, there are waaaaay too many stories to tell. But I just wanted to highlight some of the memorable moments with my mom. A woman full of warmth and grace, who embodies compassion and kindness to people around her - even with her quirks and idiosyncracies, I hope I can become even close to the woman of character that she exemplifies.

HockeyManWannaBee and The Jamaican Jerk

I sit next to this guy at work, HockeyManWannaBee, who is also a fellow Canuck. Actually, he's got dual citizenship and so he can legally work and live in either the US or Canada without the rigamarole of annoying visa papers. The lucky bastard. We became pretty good friends at the office, bantering back and forth, with our quick-witted quips. It was always an interesting time when we were both at the office as we kept the others amused by our verbal sparring. Our penchant for the NHL and Canadian chocolate, along with our "enthusiasm" for orgami is what sealed the friendship. Working in the type of job that I'm in, and seeing the depravity of human beings on an almost daily basis, coming back to the office and having a good laugh with HockeyManWannaBee was always a good reprieve from a stressful visit with a family or an ugly court hearing. Unfortunately that all came to an end today as it was HockeyManWannaBee's last day with our agency. He took another job with a different company/agency, doing social work in a more different capacity, working with individuals and families in the military. It's a great fit for him as he is a former marine and is passionate about the US military.

So in lieu of his last day and of course to celebrate his new job, a group of us went to this gem of a place call the Jamaican Jerk Hut, located on a nondescript South Street block in Philly. If this place wasn't featured in that movie, "In Her Shoes", I probably would have never heard of this place. Or else, I would have driven pass by it without a thought. Peering through the front windows of the the Jamaican Jerk Hut, one would find two or three tables and a take out counter with the kitchen in the back. By the first look of The Jamaican Jerk Hut, one would not even DREAM of taking someone on their first date to this restaurant. But alas, the old adage, "never judge a book by its cover", is never more closer to the truth. Why? Because if you walk around back to the veranda, there is outdoor dining - a grass hut with wooden yard furniture. The setting, next to the vegetable garden, sweeping lilac trees, with reggae playing in the background, would make anyone feel for a moment that they were in Jamaica. Oh did I mention that the food was great? The spicy jerk chicken was just that. Spicy and jerky. Like most small, independently owned restaurants in Philly, the great thing about this place is that it is BYOB. And we all know that BYOB is a wonderful concept because it will not cost you an arm and a leg to order a glass of wine or a margarita. I would probably recommend mixing a little rum with their homemade fruit drinks. :D

Who woulda thought that this little oasis, nestled in the middle of south Philly would serve for a memorable evening filled with much laughter? Good Times.

One of these days I will go back to The Jamaican Jerk Hut and I know just the person whom I would like to bring.

Y'all Have Fun Now......Y'hear???

The Red Button Game! Thanks to Aaron for keeping it alive!

Quote Of The Day

"If I find in myself a desire which
no experience in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that
I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

This might explain the restlessness that I feel, time and time again - as C.S. Lewis, his eloquent self, so states it.

Thoughts?

Introspect

Because of Christ, I am far more loved, cherished and forgiven than I could ever imagine.

I understand the truth of the above statement. So why does my heart have this tendency to forget and sometimes even resist?

Zephaniah's Word Of The Day

"The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in
you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Dumb Ass Moment #4

This past weekend I had another one of my adventures in NYC. An old friend of mine from junior high and high school works for Norwegian Cruise Lines and her port of call was NYC this past weekend. We've been trying to get together for almost a year everytime she was in the city, however due to scheduling conflicts, things never worked out. Until this past weekend. I had to give two different trainings at work on Saturday and so afterwork I took the train up the the Big Apple and met up with Cruisegurl somewhere in midtown. It was great hanging out with her, catching up, and talking about old times, but to be honest, our "reunion" wasn't as wonderful as I thought it would be. Over the years, we have become two different people with different priorities in life. As much as I love Cruisegurl, I felt so sad to see her put so much value on superficial "things" and to see her measure her worth and value over all the "attention" she was receiving from all the "hot" 20something males who worked on the cruise ships with her. Not once did she ask me about my life in Camden/Philly nor did she make an effort to ask about my job. I'm not angry or bitter about her disinterest with my life. There's more of a deep seated sadness that I have for my friend. I could go on and on, analyzing my friend until the cows come home, but I won't. Why? Because I could totally be way off base.

Cruisegurl was staying at a hotel in Jamaica Queens and so I ended up spending Saturday night with her. She had to leave for the cruise ship on Sunday morning and therefore I planned it so I could spend Sunday with Therapyboy and Columbiagirl. Hence, the start of one of my NYC adventures!

I took the subway back to Manhattan and made a stop at Penn Station so that I could store my overnight bag in the luggage hold. I was supposed to meet TB and CG at their church, Redeemer Presbyterian for the 10:30 AM service. And of course, I was running late. So I took the 6 train up to Hunter College (where Redeemer meets) and rushed up the stairs to the street. Now, to give you some background information on what NY pedestrians are like, well, they don't exactly follow street signals, signs, or what have you. And they looooove to jay walk. Like I mentioned before, I was running late. And since I was running late, I decided to take a short-cut by jay walking across the street to the auditorium where services were being held, instead of going across the cross walk. Since the light was red and the cars were all stopped, I figured that it was safe for me to do a little bit of jay-walking. I mean, everyone else was doing it and it would have made it for a shorter walk to the auditorium. As soon as I stepped onto the uneven pavement on 68th street, it was like watching TV in slow-motion. My clumsy self somehow managed to trip and fly across the street, with arms and purse flailing, falling flat on my face.

I FELL FLAT ON MY FACE IN FRONT OF ABOUT 10 CARS AND WHAT SEEMED LIKE A MILLION PEOPLE AROUND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF 68TH STREET!!!

When it happened all these guys somehow materialized from almost nowhere, helped me up, and supported me as I pathetically hobbled to a nearby bench.

I

WAS

MORTIFIED.

One of the guys graciously decided to stay behind, running into the building to grab a first aid kit, so he could to help me nurse my right knee, which was messed up and bleeding from the fall. Although my knee hurt like hell, I think more damage was done to my pride than anything else. And my thoughts the entire time this guy was tending to my knee???

Thank God I shaved my legs the day before.

Dreams

I heard this song the other day and it sent me back to my TWU days. Good times.

Dreams - The Cranberries

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person fumbling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
For what I couldn’t find

Talk to me amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
’cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me