What the.....???

I am a bona-fide news junkie. Tonight as I was reading through my current issue of Newsweek, I ran into this quote by Mayor Ray Nagin on rebuilding New Orleans.

"This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be... This city will be chocolate at the end of the day."

First of all, how the hell was this guy elected as mayor? And secondly, are you kidding me? Sure, New Orleans' racial makeup is predominantly African American, granted, I myself live in a neighborhood that is predominantly Latino and African American. However, I am disgusted by Nagin's statement and the underlying message that it conveys. My initial interpretation of Nagin's statement was this: "Black people only. Other races, stay out." I loathe racism and it is so sad to see a country as progressive as the USA continue to struggle with this cancer.

It turns out, at the end of the day, Nagin apologized and said that people of ALL races were welcome to return.

Gee, we should all feel so privileged.

Weekend with the Girls

This will be short and to the point, as it's very late and I am suffering from near exhaustion. Well, maybe not from near exhaustion, but I am pretty tired.

The weekend was full. I Went on a spontaneous mini-weekend trip up to north Jersey with Irishgirl to visit a good friend (since she works as a chaplain at a hospital, we'll call her The Rev) who just moved up there this past summer from Atlanta. She was feeling pretty lonely and a little depressed when I talked to her on early Friday evening and so I decided to drive up there for part of the weekend to cheer her up. I was able to cajole Irishgirl to drive up with me early Saturday morning for a girly mini-weekend. We arrived at The Rev's place with a nice bottle of shiraz on hand to enjoy later on in the evening, ready for a day of girliness. We ate.... shopped.....we ate some more...... watched a chick flick..........gorged on chocolate fondue.........and enjoyed the myriad of libations. By the time Saturday came to an end, we were three very "happy" and content women. Good times.

(BTW, an added note......I will be away for a work conference starting tomorrow and will be gone until Wednesday evening. Just thought I'd give you all the heads up in case y'all start wondering where on the blogosphere I've disappeared off to.)

I EMBARRASS MYSELF

My roommates and I have this weekly rotation of household chores and this week I'm on trash duty. Lovely. So tonight as I was taking the trash out, I made the biggest fool out of myself in front of our new neighbor who is of the male persuasion. And of course, I was looking so hot in my ratty old J. Crew sweatshirt and a pair of white shrunken jersey pants that I bought at a Phillies baseball game this past fall. So picture me in my little "hot" get up, clinging onto two full trash bags with both hands, walking towards the little alcove on the side of our house where we keep the trash cans. I see new neighbor boy next door trying to unlock his door look up and so of course I decided to be neighborly. I smiled at him and was about to say "How's it going?" when unbeknownst to me, one of the trash lids had flown off the trash can during the wind storm last night and was on the ground right in front of me. So in the midst of my attempt of friendly flirtation (is there such thing?) I tripped over this stupid lid, with arms flailing, nearly falling flat on my face.

New neighbor boy saw the WHOLE ENTIRE THING!

I

WAS

MORTIFIED.

At this point I knew there was no way I could salvage my dignity and so I quickly stuffed the trash, tried to buy some time by placing the lid on the trash can, praying that new neighbor was already inside his house. After all that, I nonchalantly walked out of the alcove and of course, just as luck would have it, neighbor boy was STILL standing on his porch, in front of his door, looking over at me with this amused look on his face. And so with that, I beelined it towards our front door. I can only imagine what new neighbor boy was thinking. I ran upstairs, burst into Iowagirl's bedroom and relayed to her what transpired outside. I was laughing so hard that I could hardly breath. Iowagirl's response? "You're so embarrassing." And you know what? She's right.

Sometimes I can be so embarrassing that I don't even know what to do with myself.

Hazy Anger

This week has kind of been like a haze for me...like walking around an art museum for about three hours and you come out feeling like sensory overload. I have lived, breathed, and slept work this week. And to top it all off, this was also the week that I decided to cut down on carbs. So yeah, I've been a tad bit crabby and somewhat fatigued.

At work I've been writing this child profile on this 18 year old kid who has been in foster care for about 4 years and has had 31 placements. Yes, 31 placements. The research I've done in this kid has resulted in this enormous stack of paperwork which I have been painstakingly scrutinizing in order to put his life history together. So far I have about 15 pages typed out. I'm expecting this profile to be about 25 pages when it's completed. The various reports, psychological/psychiatric evaluations, medical reports, and court reports on this child life indicates the type of hell that he's been through since he was born. I've written many child profiles over the last four years, almost too many to count, however this one has got to be one of the worst ones that I've had to write. Why? Because of the way it has affected my spirit, especially over the last few days. Last night I even had a dream that was connected to some of this kid's experiences. Generally I am very good at separating my work from my personal life, however this week has me all out of sorts.

Inside I am so outraged by family violence and how it affects children. The neglect and physical abuse of children anger me. And I am so enraged at sick perpetrators who prey on young children to satiate their sick sexual hunger.

I am just one individual who wants to save these children from an obviously sick world. But, I am just one individual.

I'm tired. I need to go to bed.

Guard Your Heart

So here I am moving on with life, thinking that things are hunky dory (yes, hunky dory), and then bam! Something happens which throws you off kilter. Well, that's how it was for me. And also one of the reasons for my silence this past week. I honestly do not know what to make of this situation.

Of course, it's about a guy.

What else would throw me off into this state that I cannot even comprehend myself?

I was involved with this guy this past fall until we decided that it would probably be better that we “remain friends.” (Yeah, we know how that usually goes.) This outcome was rather disappointing but I was able to move on without the usual melt-down that would normally result from a failed dating relationship. Truthfully though, I think the reason why I wasn't as devastated this time around was because I was not as invested. In other words, I guarded my heart. After “parting ways” I honestly did not think that I would ever hear from him again. But nonetheless, after about two months of incommunicado with this guy, I suddenly receive an email from him the week after Christmas. It was short of course, but friendly enough. However, this email was not what put me “out of sorts” this week. It was the phone call I received from him, pretty much the day after I arrived back from California. Yep. The dude called me.

He…..called…..me…..the…..day…..after…..I....arrived.

I suppose I could say that I was shocked. We talked for a while and caught up. Dialogue was somewhat erratic with him, which was probably due to his nervousness throughout the conversation. It was easy to pick out the unease in his voice. Crazy enough, it almost gave me this sense of control, knowing his apprehension and discomfort. But I’m not one to take advantage of another individual’s unease or discomfort. I won’t go into any boring details with the conversation or analyze it till the cows come home. The conversation ended on a friendly enough note, but of course it left me somewhat confused.

I’ve been digesting this call since it transpired almost a week ago. It’s made me crabby and freaking emotional. I just need to let it go and continue to move forward with my life.

So, then, why do I feel like there might be some unfinished business between us?

I had no plans to blog this situation but maybe, just maybe, writing about this situation can be akin to purging and letting go.

Travel, Empty, and Lonely

So I'm back in the east coast. Just arrived this evening after a very long day of travel which started at 4:30 AM in San Diego and ended around 7:00 PM in Philly.

I am exhausted and feeling a myriad of emotions right now. Time spent with my family over the holidays bordered at about 10 on the intensity scale.

Tomorrow I'm back at the office and will be faced with voice mail and emails galore, along with the usual catch up with paper work after a ten day break from work.

I'm feeling so empty right now. Lonely.

Of course, in my head I know that God can fill those empty voids. But how do I believe it with my heart, which seems to be in this constant wretched state?

See, I am doing a new thing......

There appears to be a theme in the blogosphere these last two days. Individuals composing their resolutions for the new year, determined not to break them. Unfortunately the commitment factor on these resolutions are usually forgotten about halfway through January and is shoved in the back of our dressers. I know, because I am one of those individuals who've made these "half-hearted" commitments for the upcoming new year.

Nonetheless, I won't bore the blogsphere with resolutions I probably will not keep by mid-January, however I will share what my hope and expectations are for this year:

"This is what the Lord says -
He who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters.....
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:16,18-19

2005 was an apathetic year for me and I am determined to move forward from a year that lacked in spirit and joy. Instead of looking back with regret, I am determined to move forward, with the hope and expectation that God will continue to move mightily in my life this year.

Breathe in me new life and I will give You all the glory.

Happy New Year to all!

Barnes & Noble and The Bowling Queen

So yesterday I decided to go shopping with HHB and FK. Sometimes I wonder why I subject myself to such painful experiences.

We went to the mall, which wasn't all that bad. FK has been on a shoe hunt and to date has purchased 3 pairs of skater-type sneakers. He's such a girl. HHB was his usual hormonal self, requesting that I refrain from walking too close to him so as to not "ruin his game". Typical adolescent behavior I suppose.

Later on we stopped by my regular haunt, Barnes and Noble, so I could pick up the Ansel Adams calendar that I buy at 50% off every year after Christmas. And of course, it was another typical adventure with HHB. I must say, the nickname I've dubbed him with is truly befitting of him. As I was roaming around the bookstore, there was HHB with a smirk on his face, walking towards me. I knew he was up to something. Something no good that is.

HHB: ".....can you please buy me a book?"

Me: "What kind of book?"

HHB: "Here, let me show you."

HHB leads me to a stand of hard cover books and of course, the book that he wanted me to "purchase" for him was the "50th Anniversary Edition of Playboy". I gave him a good whack on the head.

Afterwards, when we arrived home, HHB informed me that he was flipping through the book until he discovered that another customer started giving him weird looks. The little perv.

Later on, FK, HHB, TB, and I decided to go bowling. Well, that was another adventure in and of itself. I think bowling is a great way to study human interplay. From my experience with bowling, the group I'm with is usually worked up at the beginning of the game but towards the end of the 9th or 10th frame, there usually appears to be a decline in the group's hyperactivity. But I digress. I don't want to bore you all with the details of our exiting game, however I'll just share with you all how much we each scored after our second game. But for the record, I'll have you all know that I became the Bowling Queen last night:

HHB: 102 points

FK: 70 points

TB: 87 points (with the bumpers' help)

Yours Truly: 122 points. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, please....y'all can stop with the applause now. Seriously. Really. Thank you.