Forgiveness...Grace...Love...

Tonight I have once again learned that I have not "arrived". At least when it comes to communicating my anger and frustration. I had a huge blow-up with my roommate this evening and it was not a lovely sight. While I prayed for grace to confront her with love, ended up in a shouting match and red angry faces. So after a ciruitous argument (shouting match) that went on for about fifteen minutes, this is how it ended:

Roommate: So are we done now? (She meant with our "conversation")
Me: So done.

I walked off in a huff and in the midst of my anger and frustration, I started crying, naturally. And of course in the midst of my crying fit, I knew that I did not handle that argument very well and that I needed to to ask my roommate for forgiveness. As I contemplated on how I was going to do this she walked out of her bedroom, and in the most self-effacing way, apologized and asked for my forgiveness. I was humbled and it brought me to the realization (yet again) that this is what the Gospel is all about. It's about God's inimitable Grace, leaning on Jesus to help me love and forgive my friend, and also admitting my own foibles. And trust me, I have many, many, said foibles.

I know that I will continue to be a work in progress. However I am confident that God, who has begun a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. Christ just simply calls me to believe and rest in Him to lead me in life, whether it be through shouting matches with my roommate, deciding about graduate school, or even walking into a new relationship. All He is asking for me is to trust in the Savior that He is.

Oh, did I mention that I'm flying out to San Diego tomorrow evening?
Pray for me.

Woohoo!!!

So tonight I went on my very first motorcycle bike ride with a friend of mine. I've always been a big chicken when it came to motorcycle bike rides, however after numerous offers from my friend, tonight I finally relented. All I can I say is.....have I been living in a box all my life??? It was so exhilarating!!!

I think I've rendered myself a veritable addict.

What is Real?

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Margery Williams, from The Velveteen Rabbit

Grad School

The last few years has been this relentless see-saw, swinging back and forth between going to graduate school to pursue either an MSW or MA in counseling. A few years ago I was set on starting graduate studies. I was accepted into Fordham University's MSW graduate program in New York City and was set to embark on a short-term career that would involve study, lectures, books, research papers, and exams. Nerd that I am, I was thrilled at the prospect of immersing myself in academia heaven, even if it was only for two years. Well my dream of pursuing an MSW in my favorite city suddenly came to a halt when the reality of tuition fees and living costs hit me. The decision was made and I decided not to go. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but yet probably one of the wisest ones I've made. While I unequivocally wanted to pursue this degree, I also had other ulterior motives for moving into NYC. But that's all in the past.

It's funny because over the last few weeks the Graduate School issue has been coming up in various forms, whether it be through conversations with people or through emails. I have this opportunity to have grad school paid for by my place of employment, but of course that comes with conditions. So with that said...should I sell my soul?