"They say that a woman gives birth the way that she lives her life."
I discovered this quote from a friend's blog the other day and have been mulling over it ever since. Part of it stems from an entrancing experience that I had in church two days ago as I held my friend's 5 month old baby girl. Sitting behind my friend, we'll call her UrbanMom, I noticed the difficulty she was having with her two very energetic boys, both vying for her attention, while she was holding her baby daughter, Clara. Her husband was helping to serve communion and so UrbanMom was left to her own devices as she tried to manage her two young boys while holding baby Clara. I tapped her on the shoulder and offered my help. With a grateful smile, UrbanMom relinquished baby Clara into my arms and at that very moment, time stood still. Although I have never given birth, I began to experience what may be called my own hidden maternal instincts. As the congregation sung "Come Thou Font Of Every Blessing", I was swept away into this dreamlike state as I watched Clara fall into a sound and dreamless sleep in my arms, almost fantasizing that she was born out of my own womb. It was an almost ethereal experience, which cannot even be described with words, because it can only be felt with the heart. Knowing that this was beautiful and rare, knowing in my soul that I only had this brief, yet enchanting moment, I soaked it all in.
It was intoxicating.
As the service ended, I was jolted back into reality as I discovered that my arms were completely devoid, reverting back into its state of emptiness.
About Me
- Joy
- I am a woman with a high-spirited soul. I love God with all my heart, mind and soul. I love the pitter patter of rain and the city lights, the quaintness of old brick roads and buildings, and the fresh scent of a hiking trail and the silence of a book shelf. I have an eclectic taste in music ranging from the oddity of Sufjan Stevens to the sassiness of Taylor Swift. I know the difference between saffron and sage, among other things, and I almost know what tumeric is. I believe in the contagiousness of joy and the basic sweetness of life. Nice things often happen to me - answered prayers, flowers from friends, unexpected phone calls from far away friends, the discovery of delectable desert shops, sweet cards and packages in the mail, and laughter till your tummy hurts. Some things I have but don't use as much as I maybe should are markers and crayons, a passport, a somewhat "perfect pitch", a slip-'n-slide, a camera and common sense. I have a big God who loves me, a beagle/french bull dog mix named Georgie who drives me up the wall yet whom I adore at the same time, and three things I prize: warmth, grace and brains.
3 comments:
an empty feeling i often ask God to fill... my own baby in my arms. =)
Part of the reason I only want one is because I don't want to miss anything. My son is a joy and I will only be able to experience his childhood firsthand one time - no reruns. Adding another baby will cause us to miss not only moments of one but both, because I will be stretching myself more thinly than I care to be.
Perhaps this is selfish of me and I will one day regret having only one, but for now it feels right.
You've been given a glimpse of an honest-to-goodness blessing, Joy. I'm so glad you recognized it! :)
I know this was a good experience for you, but it made me sad for many different reasons. I know all too well the emptiness that you describe.
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