Understanding the Limitations of Others
You keep listening to those who seem to reject you.
But they never speak about you. They speak about
Their own limitations. They confess their poverty in
the face of your needs and desires. They simply ask
for your compassion. They do not say that you are
bad, ugly, or despicable. They say only that you are
asking for something they cannot give and that they
need to get some distance from you to survive emo-
tionally. The sadness is that you perceive their neces-
sary withdrawal as a rejection of you instead of as a
call to return home and discover there your true
belovedness.
But they never speak about you. They speak about
Their own limitations. They confess their poverty in
the face of your needs and desires. They simply ask
for your compassion. They do not say that you are
bad, ugly, or despicable. They say only that you are
asking for something they cannot give and that they
need to get some distance from you to survive emo-
tionally. The sadness is that you perceive their neces-
sary withdrawal as a rejection of you instead of as a
call to return home and discover there your true
belovedness.
In opening this book, I did not expect it to speak to me. Little did I know.... In the midst of my shock and grief, God immediately used this as a balm for an unexpected wound, suddenly exposed. Although reading this hurt like hell, it gave me a semblance of understanding at a time when I probably needed it the most. In the midst of my conversation with him, thoughts of "I'm not good enough, I'm bad, ugly, and appalling" swirled through head. Reading this was God's affirmation that it was not me. It was him. There are times, however, that I'd like to beg to differ.
Reading this gave me a semblance of understanding, that knowledge of where he was at and possible reasons for his inability to give back. However, at the same time I just wanted to scream......"WHY THE HELL DID YOU EMOTIONALLY RAPE ME??" But I knew that the bitterness and angst would only reveal my own weakness and limitations.
One year later, after that conversation, I get an email from him........."I met a wonderful woman.......I'm engaged."
Reading this gave me a semblance of understanding, that knowledge of where he was at and possible reasons for his inability to give back. However, at the same time I just wanted to scream......"WHY THE HELL DID YOU EMOTIONALLY RAPE ME??" But I knew that the bitterness and angst would only reveal my own weakness and limitations.
One year later, after that conversation, I get an email from him........."I met a wonderful woman.......I'm engaged."
6 comments:
oh i love this.
The limitations of others. Wow that is a good little read right there. I might have to check this book out!
Laris!!! My little Yiggy!!!!!
My fellow Canuck!! Welcome to my blogworld!! I guess I oughta be careful with what I post, huh? I guess no stories about good 'ol "Geri". LOL!! Are we gonna go see the Vancouver Canucks kick the Flyer's asses in Philly or what? ;) Call me. *kiss kiss* Now I'm off to stalk your blog. Mwahahahah!
Steve,
Thanks for dropping by and for your comment! Yeah, I recommend picking up this book! It's pretty raw. But filled with much insight and hope.
Joy,
As hard as difficulties are and as much as I hate them; I am finding that there is a beauty in the midst of these trials in our lives as the Lord at those times; those small windows of time when he can capture our hearts; he uses these hard times to bring us back to his amazing commitment to us. He will never let us down....and in that I rejoice and take my comfort. For I can be me with Him even it I am ugly and have baggage; he takes me in and loves on me. Does that make any sense at all?
Bill
Yeah, you're good! At times like this--our lowest points-- we think we're ugly, fat, dissappointing--but that's not necessarily the case.
We must realize the limitations of others as well as our own limitations. But in realizing these limitations--we must realize that these restraints can be broken if we have the focused intent to do so.
Hey Joy, this does sound like a good book. Relationships teach us things, they teach us about who we are, they test us, they stretch us, and they grow us. In the end I think good relationships are ones where we must struggle and become the person that God wants us to be, not the person we want to be. Does that make sense? In each relationship we often times look for own needs to be met, not the needs of our mate or the desires of God. Well, before this turns into something more than I intended I will let you go. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for your insights and encouragement! I appreciate your thoughts and comments. Keep 'em coming! They're always welcome here. :)
Bill,
During that awful time in my life, I clung to that passage in Psalm 40 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the shiny pit, out of the muc and the mire..." Powerful stuff, those Psalms. :) Although I did not see it at the time, I think that even in the midst of my broken heart, God captured my heart. Does that make sense at all?
Bougie (love it! may I call you that?) But knowing these limitations is sometimes half the battle as we try to break free of the restraints. A year after the break up with this guy and after much healing, I thought I broke free from what my "limitations" - my own insecurities, but that all seemed to crumble when I read those few words from him. I hope what I explained give you a semblance of what I am trying to convey. I've had a long day and so my mind has kind of turned into mush. ;)
Eddo,
Like I told Steve, this is a great book! It's not meant to be read all at once and also not meant to be read in the order in which they appear. That's what I love about this particular book. There are days when I pick it up and find a page that just speaks to me and to what I am going through at that moment. Thanks for sharing btw! It would be great to dialogue with you and whoever wants to, regarding your comment. It's true, relationships do meet some of our own, at times selfish, needs. Where is the balance?
Peace,
Joy
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