It's Time....

Preface:
Oddly enough, I am typing this post while vacationing in Hawaii. 

Prologue:
This blog has been deafeningly silent for over the last 6 months and I'm fairly certain that my "following" has been reduced to pretty much non-existent.  However, if anyone has continued to faithfully check back on my little corner of the blogosphere, please let me know who you are.  I'd love to say "thanks" for not giving up on me.

I honestly don't even know where to start here, given that so much has transpired since my moved back to the British Columbia.  The last eight months has probably been the most painful time of my life.  And believe me, I've experienced my share of pain.  The move from Philly incurred such excruciating loss, I almost felt like Job, crawling on the ash heap, crawling on my hands and knees, crying out to God, "Why me?  Why this suffering?"  Through my pleas and cries, God appeared to stay hidden...."I cry out to you, O God, but you did not answer." (Job 30:20)  Like Job, I often felt like I was locked up in the padded cell of my own mind and it was incredibly difficult for me to talk about my suffering with even those closest to me.  This last year has been one of learning and I hope, one of growth.  While I could dwell on the suffering and anxiety that I have gone through over the last eight months, I don't think that it would be helpful to me as I continue to move forward with my own healing and with my new life in the west coast.  Although I still miss my life and my community in Philly immensely, I am determined to continue moving forward with my new life in Vancouver.  I have started to see changes in my heart occur as it has started to slowly open up to new experiences and new relationships.  I know there is a purpose for my suffering - God's purpose.  He has allowed me to throw at Him my grief, my anger, my doubt, my bitterness, and my disappointments...and the thing is, He can absorb it all.  One thing I have been slowly learning is that God and His purposes are much bigger than I am.  I think I am starting to have a clearer perception of my Creator however, while I haven't yet "arrived", I am convinced of God's infinite wisdom in allowing this move back to my hometown to happen as I start to catch glimpses of His grace and goodness around me. 

To be continued...